I feel I owe you an explanation. An apology for my outrageous behavior of not having written to you in months now. Was I sick in a hospital bed somewhere? Did I get lost on some exotic stretch of foreign terrain halfway across the world? Alas, I fear the culprit was laziness. Or perhaps that is too cruel a word for an explanation of the last few months. Not laziness, for I, in fact, have been doing quite a good job of keeping plenty busy. My fate as an American I suppose.
I recognize the sensation, since I’ve felt it before. The real, true, proper word to insert here is burn-out. I’ve been experiencing a total, lack-of-creativity-and-inspiration, intense desire to stay away from a computer screen as much as possible, trying not to hospitalize myself this year, sense of exhaustion. Have I emerged from the fog of trying to rejuvenate? I’m not quite sure I can answer that with an honest and resounding yes. But I can say I’m trying.
Because the truth is, well, I just miss you guys so freaking much. There’s no feeling quite like writing. Even if it’s just silly notes about unimportant things that happen throughout my day. The Daily Grind for me is like ringing a gong of mindfulness through noting down my observations. Like wringing out a sponge that holds the contents of my day and watching them as they go down the drain of evening. And the truth is, I miss doing those dishes, if you’ll excuse my metaphor.
So how do I catch you up on the last few months? Is there a quick, fix-it, tell-all way to do so?
I suppose I could start like this:
1. Having a puppy is a hilarious experience. Each day new levels of patience, awkwardness and adorableness are achieved.
2. Having a healthy and loving relationship with an amazing man is quite an incredible and new experience. My current self keeps reaching into my past that ditched my abusive ex because I took a chance on the hope that things could be better and patting that brave little lady on the back with a big ole smile. “I’m so freaking proud of you!” I keep telling that broken and beaten version of my past-self. She accepts my hugs with a weak but satisfied grin.
3. Being in a place that likes to constantly remind you of “your place” in this world is never fun. More details to come one day in the future but how many times should something make you cry and feel unworthy before you do something about it?
4. I begrudgingly but finally and with a deep sense of embarrassment admit that I do, in fact, like cats. I never thought this day would come.
5. The Ozarks are a place of stunning beauty.
6. There is no experience quite like kayaking down a freezing cold river through a mist of fog and only hoping you’re going the right direction.
7. For the first time ever, I feel as though I’m living a “boring” life. It’s actually kind of fabulous-I’ve never felt normal before.
Until next time my loves. And don’t worry, I may go away for a bit, but I’ll always return to you.