What you Want

You know when you can taste something. Really taste something? Something that you want so bad it makes your blood boil and you just want to quit everything and run after it, grabbing with both hands?

That’s where I’m at right now. I can taste it, it’s like sugar dissolving on the edge of my tongue and if I don’t dump it into my cup of tea soon it might all melt away before I get to put it to it’s purpose. I’m on the edge of something wonderful, of a giant gaping Perhaps and I have two options: to turn back and tether myself to the ground for safety, or to fly off and hope my parachute catches me.

A sense of urgency doesn’t begin to describe it.

But maybe there’s a third option. Maybe there’s something in the middle. Maybe there’s a hidden switchback trail down the side of that great cliff. Maybe if I could discover that, I’d be able to find a way to take that leap one step at a time. Maybe. Perhaps. It’s something to consider anyways.

I try to slow down, to take things one step at a time. As my boyfriend says, I like to take as big a bite of life and extracurriculars as possible and then see if I can chew them.

That’s me in a nutshell. My addition to that metaphor is that sometimes I choke. That’s a scary thing as an adult when a lot more can go wrong than you getting pushed down in the sandbox and your parents dusting off your knees. Well, a lot more can go wrong as a child but at least people still think you’re cute enough and incapable enough to want to help take care of you :).

So how do you slow down and take smaller, more chewable bites of life? How do you pace yourself for the long haul, rather than all-out sprint for a short distance only to collapse at the finish line?

When I say “you” here, I’m also, of course asking about “me.” After all, we’re sort of in this together. Why is that, you might ask? Well, because I’m dragging you along through the words of my blog. So there :).

Fear is a big word I’ve been exploring a LOT over the past year(s). A lot a lot. Because it’s so huge and overwhelming, it’s a bite that when I take too big of one I just can’t chew it. How do we break our fear into bite-size chunks and chew it up, piece by piece? One small bite at a time?

If anyone has any ideas, I’m certainly open to suggestions. In the meantime, all I can do is keep searching.



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